Going back to my previous blog post about choosing the right partner, I realised that life gets better with experiences. There I was in my 20s, drowning in my shortcomings and without a clue if I’d make it to my 30s in one piece. In fact, I never had a plan for my future. I was suicidal and it never dawned on me that I’d make it to the other side; where happiness is a realistic feeling. So, like any other person who was clouded by low self-esteem, insecurities, and a lack of self-love, it was easy for me to fall into the trap of dating men that didn’t see me. Remember when I told you that I’m a nurturer? Well, this mom who writes has nurtured a lot of broken and undeserving men while they took without giving.
Losing Yourself in Unrequited Love
It’s so easy to lose yourself in the name of a disturbing understanding of what love is and should be for you. Again, my daughter saved me without knowing. For the first time in my life, I experienced love that didn’t make me doubt myself. Instead, it forced me to acknowledge all the good parts that I didn’t want to look at. There is something remarkable about choosing to love yourself. Each day, you sink deeper into a person who doesn’t tolerate any less. Finally, you understand what being enough is.
So, after writing about ways to choose the right partner, I started wondering about the kind of partner that I want in my life moving forward. Most importantly, how choosing the right person for me should benefit my daughter and my role in her life. Dating when you have a child has its ups and downs. I’m yet to experience the difficulties that come with navigating your love interests and your child’s needs. In foresight, you need to make decisions that benefit your child in every way. The most significant one being who you allow into your space. Having a partner who reciprocates your need for peace should be one of the priorities in your list of things to look out for. In addition, having someone who wants what’s best for you the way that you want what’s best for her or him should also be one of those factors that you don’t overlook. But, this shouldn’t be limited to dating if you’re a parent. Even without kids to consider, there are a lot of things that you should think of to guard your heart above everything else.
Let’s say you’re the forgiving type. You should understand that the next person doesn’t think as you do. In certain cases, they’ll turn your strengths into weaknesses that serve to benefit them at the end of the day. After a while, you’ll realise that there are things that you shouldn’t compromise on when it comes to choosing the right person to grow with. When you fail to stick to the standards that you’ve set for yourself, you allow others to choose to treat you the best way they see fit. And we all know that not everyone has your best intentions at heart. Even some people that you date.
The Importance of Choosing the Right Kind of Love
So, I’ve been thinking of how important it is to choose the right person to share those special parts of yourself with. There are millions of articles and books that highlight the importance of romantic partnerships. I’ve read through a few of these. Some, I couldn’t finish because they couldn’t resonate with me. All in all, as a mother who’s certain that love is important to ensure holistic growth, I’ve come to understand the following points on why choosing the right person to share your life with is important.
- Passion inspires you. When your love is reciprocated, you’ll write the most beautiful poems. Love is art. It inspires us.
- When you have a supportive lover, you feel like you can accomplish anything. You have a personal hype-man or woman.
- They genuinely love you without wanting you to be anyone that you’re not. You shouldn’t feel like an imposter when you’re loved right.
- You can learn more about yourself and how to navigate life with people who have different viewpoints. It’s an adventure of self-discovery.
- You get to take a chance on love over and over again.
When I think of the kind of love that I want in my life now, I know that it’s intentional more than anything. When you choose to love again, you should choose to do so with someone who you know will come with ease. I want my daughter to know that in choosing myself, I chose to give myself the kind of love that she can grow to witness and admire. When you have a child, it’s important to ensure that the choices that you make don’t negatively affect her or him. This includes the choices that you make when choosing the right partner to share your life with.