Last night, a conversation that I was having with one of my closest friends triggered me into a state that I had tried to move on from. Before you find out what I mean, you should understand the kind of person that I am when it comes to romantic love. Naturally, I am a helpless romantic. A huge sucker for love and my favourite love story is The Notebook. I weep every time I watch it because that is what I feel love should be; a journey of self-discovery and choosing the one that you love despite the circumstances that life throws your way. Growing up, I always believed that love is the answer to everything. It should be enough to save us all from the perils of this life. What better feeling is there in the world than to pour out the good parts of yourself into someone that reciprocates that and more?
The Dangers of Believing in Love
Ideally, finding someone who loves you and who you love back should be an effortless part of your life. Deep down, we all want to feel love without jumping through hellfire to receive it. Additionally, if you plan on having a family one day, you wish to have someone who can share the same values with you and understand when you disagree on certain things without making you feel inferior in any way. Just like you, I never expected some of the things that I’ve gone through in past relationships. In fact, I never realised the impact that they’d have on me. Have you noticed how much someone’s presence in your life can impact you for the better or worse? If you’re someone who believes in divinity and energies, their frequency can also affect the person who you become while they’re in your life.
Now, imagine someone who believes in love so much and unknowingly dates a serial cheater who is also a narcissistic person with manipulative attributes? It changes you for the worst. If you’re lucky enough to get out of that loop, you’re scathed in ways that you’ve never imagined before. You become a shadow of the person who entered that relationship. It’s also difficult for you to trust in love again. How can you, when you’ve spent so much time with someone who doesn’t see you, who doesn’t acknowledge you, respect you, and who makes you believe that you’re not worthy of this love that you once dreamed of?
Even finding someone willing to meet your expectations is hard to believe. You try your best to enjoy the good parts, while you’re constantly waiting for their worst attributes to appear. You become an unhealthy version of yourself and it overwhelms anyone who comes into your life with good intentions. It’s easy for someone who hasn’t experienced this type of situation to just tell you to choose better when you’re finding a partner. Yet, it isn’t as easy as you might think. You can’t blame yourself for someone who comes into your life intending to break you for their interests. At the end of the day, when you’re dealing with a narcissist, you should know that everything is your fault and they’re the victim in everything.
You Should Always Give Love a Chance
In all honesty, choosing the right partner is a subjective thing. It always depends on what you’re looking for and what your circumstances are. If you’re a firm believer in love and trying again, you should know that you’re not alone. What matters is that you’re relentless in believing that you deserve happiness. Perhaps, using the following tips should help you to prepare yourself when you’re ready to try again. At the end of the day, finding someone with a calming presence is important. It helps you to trust in your capabilities to love again. Moreover, it heals the broken parts of your heart with ease. We’re all trying to find the right person who matches your energy in every way.
Keeping these things in mind should help you.
- Try to find someone with who you can connect easily. It’s important to have conversations with your partner.
- Consider the kind of person that you are. If you’re an overachiever, a laid-back person who goes with the flow will frustrate you.
- Don’t neglect your standards. Most importantly, don’t lower your standards for anyone. It’s always the one that you try to give a chance who’ll show you the gates of hell.
- Respect is important. I learned that respect even transcends in the promises that you make to your partner. Listening to his or her interests and needs is a sign of respect.
- Spend time together to see if your potential partner is trustworthy or not. Don’t ignore the red flags. Run when you see something off the first time around. Waiting is just delaying the inevitable.
The unfortunate truth is that we all go through varying degrees of heartbreak. Yet, the type of trauma that a toxic relationship leaves you with is a deeper kind of experience. It changes you for the worst. The last thing that you want to do is to give anyone the power to change who you’re meant to be. As an advocate of true love, I believe that you must understand the depth of your scars. This is the only way that you can find healing when you’re ready to dive into love again. You should take the experiences as lessons that are there to help you grow. But whenever you’re ready to find someone, make sure that they are what you’re ready for.