On Monday, while you were reading my blog, I was catching up with an interesting newsletter that I’ve subscribed to. I enjoy the array of topics that it covers. The recent one being the debate around having kids or not. If you’re reading this post right now, it means that you’ve likely come across a number of my blogs where I talk about the love that I have for my daughter. If you haven’t, then you should know that there’s nothing that I love in this life more than her. Do you know how it feels like to finally have the love that you know has been missing in your life? It sort of resembles living in one of your answered prayers without being anxious about things going wrong. It’s a kind of contentment that doesn’t compare to anything else.
The Good Side
I love being a mom. In fact, I jokingly say that this was a role that was made for me. Naturally, I’m a nurturer. Before motherhood, I used to take care of my friends and treat them like my babies. I love making sure that the people that I love are taken care of. So, being a mother hasn’t been that difficult for me. Sure, there are those days when you feel like winging it won’t cut it. When everything just seems to be going wrong. Yet, at the end of it all, there’s always something that is a reminder of how incredible this part of life is. Seeing her face in the morning and before I close my eyes at night, is the kind of bliss that novels are made of. I spend every single day with her and our lives are a simple, yet wondrous adventure. This is where I get to show up as the best version of myself without feeling like I’m too much or not enough. This is the hill of love that I will die on knowing that I gave it my all.
The Other Side
However, not every mother or father feels the same way about having a child. You’re fortunate if this journey is less challenging for you. Especially when you’re mentally prepared for everything that it comes with. So, reading this newsletter made me realise that we’re not all cut out to be parents. Most importantly, it’s okay if you feel like being a parent isn’t something that you want to do. You shouldn’t let the pressures of society or the adorable pictures that you see of babies baby-ing about online to convince you otherwise. The behind-the-scenes is generally a rollercoaster that requires a certain level of emotional intelligence, psychological maturity, and financial stability to make it all work.
Unfortunately, you’re still likely to face other factors that can make your parenting journey a lot more difficult. For example, you should prepare for the possibility of raising your child alone. In most cases, this falls in the hands of you as the mother. The fact is, if you’re a woman who decides to have a child, you’re likely to bear the weight of that choice more than your male counterpart will. At the end of the day, even if you have all the resources to make things easier, your child will naturally need you more than anyone else. You should ask yourself whether you’re ready for this or not.
Yet, fear-mongering isn’t the way to go. You shouldn’t fear having kids just because of what others tell you. Parents, in particular, tend to change their minds a lot when it comes to this subject. You’ll hardly find a blanket answer to your pressing questions about bringing a child to this world. So, it doesn’t matter whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, or 40s and weighing whether this is a good idea or not. What matters is that you’re content with whatever decision that you make. However, you should be prepared to provide your child with a foundation of love, support, and compassion that they need to become the best version of themselves when they grow up. This is where things get interesting because being intentional with parenting is the hardest part. You have to commit and show up even on your worst days. You can’t take time off. Even when you’re away on holiday, you’re always worried about your child.
5 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Be a Parent
But from experience, if you were to ask me what are some of the reasons that should make you reconsider, I’d likely tell you the following.
- Kids are messy. If you love your organized life, then think carefully about this one.
- You won’t get much sleep. Perhaps, if you’re an insomniac you’ll finally get something to do while everyone sleeps.
- You can’t take them anywhere. Say goodbye to peaceful traveling. That’s all.
- They drain your bank balance. Have you calculated how expensive raising a child is?
- If you don’t want one, then please don’t. You’ll likely regret it.
The thing is, being a parent is emotionally, mentally, and physically demanding. You’re fortunate when life gives you the freedom to do this with sufficient resources. More so, when you can choose to control your time. If you’re privileged to plan this part of your life, you need to consider everything before you commit yourself. This is the kind of commitment that you shouldn’t walk away from. A part of being a parent is knowing that you’re doing all that you can to raise someone who’ll play a significant role in humanity. This is why being fully present with unconditional love is the most crucial factor.