The greatest thing about meeting the love for your life is that you get to find out just how capable you are of love. I keep saying that my daughter has been the kind of change that I needed but wasn’t aware of. She gave me love that’s filled with purpose. Each day, I wake up and find new ways to show her that I’m capable of being the love that she deserves. At first, it was a struggle. You see, when you’re not used to receiving unconditional love, it’s difficult when you meet someone who is that for you. I’ve loved many things in this lifetime, but none of them compare to the love that I have for my daughter. She has changed everything that I thought I knew. In the same breath, she has forced me to look deep within myself to expose where I lack. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve lacked to give myself love.
Do you know when you go around loving everyone around you? When you know full well that they don’t deserve your love? Save for that one person who’s an exception and comes into your life to love you. But you’re just too blind to see because that’s not what you’re used to. The thing is that it’s different with your child. She doesn’t show up with expectations. You see it in how she looks at you, that finally, you’re enough in someone’s eyes. That you now have someone who sees you despite the difficult things that you’ve gone through in your life. Yet, you still feel inadequate to match up to this love. How can you? When you’ve never taught yourself to love yourself?
It’s easy for someone to tell you to practice self-love. But what is self-love? Most importantly, how do you learn this crucial love to better yourself and the lives of the ones that you choose to love? After doing some research and using personal experiences, I’ve concluded that we all need to know these 5 powerful tips on how to practice self-love.
Focus on being a loving person
The most important person who deserves authentic and unconditional love is you. It’s hard to move from a place where you become someone who embodies love and you don’t or can’t love yourself. It’s one of the biggest leaps that you’ll ever take in your life. This is why you should consider changing your focus. Instead of forcing yourself to love yourself, focus on being a loving person. The fact is, if you’re someone who loves, you’re able to let love flow into you easily. This requires you to receive positive emotions more. Observe small things that you like about the people in your life. Learn to appreciate the beauty in every situation.
Understand how you want to be loved
If you grew up with attachment issues and other traumas, it’s difficult for you to know your love language. When you don’t know how to love yourself or you only love yourself when things are going well, you tend to crumble when things don’t go right in life. You start placing your value in certain things that should make you feel good about yourself. However, this measure of self-worth is unrealistic. It doesn’t account for the times when these things are taken from you. It makes you feel rejected and then you find yourself back to where you started. It becomes a never-ending cycle of self-rejection. This makes it hard for you to see the things that are good about you. The things that deserve you to water them, to help you become the best version of yourself. So, learn your love language(s) and not wait around for a friend or lover to show you how you should be loved.
Don’t compare yourself
Have you noticed how easy it is for you to compare yourself to others? Moreover, have you realised how harsh you are on yourself when you have to compare yourself to others? Why are you so hard on yourself? What made you feel like your worth should be measured according to the people in your life? You shouldn’t take your biggest flaws and compare them to your friend’s greatest successes. You’ve already lost because you’ve started with an unfair comparison. You need to write your own story. If you must compare yourself, do so with the last version of yourself in mind. Besides, you never know what your friend is going through. It’s easy for people to hide the worst parts of themselves from you.
There’s a quote that I live by. It goes “a little by little becomes a lot”. I found it on the internet years ago when I was feeling like my life isn’t going the way that it should. Such simple words, yet they hold so much truth and power. You need to have desires and dreams. But it’s even more important for you to understand that honing your dreams and becoming who you want to become isn’t an overnight process. Sometimes, it’s the small daily actions that you feel are insignificant. The only thing that should matter is your consistency. The same goes for practising and accepting love in your life. This is a huuuuuge milestone. You don’t have to rush through the process. On other days, you’ll feel like you aren’t enough. And then the next day, you’ll realise how much progress you’ve had. Pace yourself and don’t worry about what others say. It’s your journey, you get to write it whichever way you want to.
Ask for help
One of the most difficult things to do when you’ve navigated life alone is to ask for help. It feels like there’s a lump that’s the size of a boulder when you have to ask anyone for help. But it shouldn’t. Asking for help when you don’t know how to do something is part of teaching yourself to accept love in your life. You have several people, friends and family alike who want to see you win in the end. But it’s also essential for you to trust in your intuition to guide you throughout. Listen to those bells that are off in your head when you think something is a red flag. Your positive energy will always know when it’s matched or otherwise.
The best thing about self-love is that you can start practicing it at any moment in your life. You don’t have to wait until you have a child that you want to love to the best of your ability. You also don’t have to wait until you find the right partner to take a leap of faith in yourself. Do it for yourself. Do it until it becomes a part of your daily life. Until it’s something that you don’t have to think about anymore. Self-love should be like breathing, easy and free.