Do you know what it means to be unreservedly happy? When you’ve gone through most of your life with troubles following you at every corner, it’s hard to know happiness. You don’t even think that you are worthy of unconditional love. Yet, you continue to forge a life hoping or not that one day the tide will turn in your favour. This was my life, for the longest part of my late teenage years until my late 20s. You know when you can’t even recall the happiest moments of your life? It’s supposed to be the usual things – birthdays, gateways, graduations, relationships, etc. However, you go about life in search of something more that you just don’t even know yourself.
The thing is that I never thought of myself as a parent. There were just too many chaotic moments to even dream of such things. If it wasn’t chaotic, it was sombre all around. Even the glimpses of happiness that you do manage to find, are enough to only sustain you should you feel like jumping over the edge. You’re literally in survival mode. This means that you don’t have time to sit and plan for your future, let alone a child. But one of my favourite authors said that “when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.” What I needed was happiness and love. However, as cliché as it may sound, you can’t find these two things elsewhere. For you to attract happiness and love, you ought to reflect it. It’s hard when all you’ve known is darkness. It’s harder when you don’t know what to do to detach yourself from your pain. You know how much misery loves company, so this is a battle on its own.
Yesterday, I asked my contacts a few questions about what happiness is and what they love about being parents. Or what they’d look forward to about becoming a parent. The willing participants had interesting responses. Some were full of love and so much hope. The last post that I shared focused on the other side of parenting that nobody warns you about. I figured that this was easy for me to do because I tend to languish in negative thoughts. Not because I’m feeling those emotions, but if you’re a writer, you’ll understand that it’s always easier to write about difficult things. You tend to struggle with writing about the easy stuff, the fluffy happy-go-lucky content. In most cases it seems cheesy. So, I figured that today I’ll be as cheesy and cliché as they come. I’ll share the reasons why being a parent is amazing. Most importantly, why I love being a parent without focusing on the drawbacks, for once.
You see, long before I became a freelance copywriter, I used to be known as a poet. Though I never said it out loud a lot, I loved writing poetry. Sad poetry as you might’ve guessed. It was beautiful, it tugged at your heartstrings, and made you wish to have your heart broken. It was difficult to write about love in its glory, for obvious reasons. Yet, my daughter has invoked the helpless romantic in me. She’s proven to me that I’m capable of loving, and to be loved. Do you know how difficult it is to crack open a heart that’s been layered with walls for decades? The first time I saw her, I felt those walls tumbling down. Since then, it’s been a beautiful love story of unreserved joy and love.
Do you know how amazing it is to love someone without doubting if your love is enough? To wake up in the morning and look forward to doing your best because you know how much it means to your child? To love so freely and to know that it’s enough. I haven’t been able to write many poems since my daughter came into my life. How can I compare when her entire existence is a perfect love poem in my life? Before motherhood, it was easy to worry about the future because my present was full of anxious moments.
But now? Everything is in harmony. You can’t miss out on the present or worry about what’s yet to come. This is what life is. This is what being alive means to me. This is what the universe conspired to give me. It makes me happy to know that for once my happiness is coming from within and it’s entangled with the echoes of my daughter’s laughter. This is the reason why I love being a parent. I wouldn’t change anything about this part. The thing is you can’t wish away experiences – those terrible lows helped me to birth this perfect love story.