Each week I schedule quality time with my daughter. I clear my calendar, put my phone in “do not disturb” mode, and just get lost in everything that she wants to do. The thing is, her love language is quality time. I try my best to minimize the number of distractions that can disturb this moment for us. Being a work-at-home, full-time mom makes it a bit of a challenge. I work remotely, so when my devices are off, I miss out on work opportunities. But this is the most crucial thing that I feel I can give to my daughter; time to better her emotional and mental wellbeing.
You’d be surprised to find out how important it is for you to know your child’s love language. For instance, when you understand your child’s love language, it helps you to become a better parent. In addition, it minimizes frustrations on their end. This is essential if your child still struggles to explain how they’re feeling logically. Your role as a parent is multifaceted. Sometimes, it requires you to do things beyond what you’ve ever imagined. I know that the last post was all about why we can’t be the same parents. Yet, being an intentional parent who’s aware of your child’s needs is the one thing that’s generally common with parents that are present. Think of it as the common ground where you get to share similar stories with other parents. Moreover, you ask for advice to understand what should work best while understanding what doesn’t. Your role is to always try to be the greatest while providing the best for your child. This includes prioritizing your child’s emotional and mental wellbeing, at all times.
This is the other side of parenting that nobody warns you about (there are many things that nobody warns you about). I guess it’s hard for anyone to tell you just how much of yourself you have to give to ensure that you raise a well-rounded person. It’s worse when you have a history of mental health issues. You constantly worry if you’re doing enough. Your concerns are many, yet you hope that practising mindfulness and establishing a healthy relationship with your child is sufficient. At the end of the day, you try your best to minimize the pain that you’ve experienced. This is when having a balanced support system plays an important role.
Having a partner, friends, or family members that understand your life before your manifold role is a crucial part of keeping things together. Even though it’s not guaranteed that you’ll keep it together, being grounded in a positive environment is essential for you to meet and exceed your expectations. The thing is, when your mental health is compromised, it directly affects your child. You’d be shocked to find out that trauma is hereditary. It alters the chemical composition in your brain, it’s not a genetic mutation, rather an epigenetic issue. This can result in your child’s biology changing significantly. As a result, your trauma is passed down from one generation to the next.
When you don’t prioritize your child’s emotional and psychological health, your legacy of trauma becomes a very difficult cycle to break. This is my biggest fear. I try my best to ensure that my child is growing up in a healthy environment. This includes being mindful of how we speak to her. We don’t raise our voices, we apologize to her when we’ve hurt her, and we are always trying our best to be better parents than we were yesterday. It’s not easy though because life happens, and if you’re prone to crises, it throws you off. Life happens all around you, but if you’re intentional about prioritizing your child’s wellbeing to ensure that they become a better person as they grow older, you’ll always find an effective way to make it work.