Change Is Good, Or Is It?

‘Every day the clock resets…’

It’s Funny How Life Can Change, Isn’t It? This is the title of a poem that I wrote in my not entirely forgotten youth. I was probably 19 if not 20 when I wrote about my two cents on how life can change. Fast forward to the past 7 months, and my oh my has life changed. I never expected it, not that I hadn’t hoped for it. The thing is, a girl (more woman than girl, but you get my drift) like me has had to work twice as hard to ensure that she is happy. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t know struggle in an economic sense, unless you count the ordinary penniless conversation that happens with friends when you are planning on meeting up. But, where my happiness and peace are concerned, I have had to do more work to get to a point where I can breathe and stay breathing. Nonetheless, this post isn’t a walk down memory lane of the bad things that my lack of mental wellbeing have had on me. Today, this post is about changes in life. Whether big or small, but those significant changes that make you believe that God’s favour has finally found you in your hole. 

If you have followed this blog to this post, you will have an idea of the rollercoaster ride that motherhood and life have had on me. For instance, I was living at home for over a year without a job. I couldn’t afford basic necessities without asking my partner or parents for help. Do you know how disheartening it is to feel like you have to beg people to assist you? I would ask my friends for loans without the slightest idea of how I would pay them back. The proud woman in me didn’t ask for help upfront. We are in the middle of a pandemic, everyone has had their fair share of ups and downs. I couldn’t bear to tell my friends about my struggles when I knew that we were all going through something somehow. Well, not all of them. There has been a friend and confidant that has been my pillar without realizing it. It helps that she is also a mom, so it’s easier to share most things with her. Having someone to talk to made it all better, but there were those days when things would feel worse than before. I vividly remember one night in November a few days after my daughter had turned one. I bawled my eyes out while she slept unknowingly next to me. I ugly cried for hours, making sure that nobody could hear me. Have you ever cried silently for hours without wanting anyone to hear you? It’s a bit of suffocating yourself in your pillows, and losing your breath as you choke in your spit. Then you cry some more cos you are just like “what the entire friggin heck is this???”. 

In hindsight, the ugly crying is what probably got me an audience with God. He probably saw my face that night and had enough cos a few days later, I received my first congratulatory email. This was after a loooooong time of hoping for good news. I had been accepted to be a copywriter for one of the best content marketing and writing agencies. Funny enough, I had no idea what being a copywriter was about, or if I would be able to fulfill my new responsibilities. Nevertheless, in that moment my life was changing and I had no clue just by how much. Within three weeks I was able to move out of home to start a new life with my small family. My biggest concern was how my daughter would handle the change. All that she knew was a simple life in a rural village and I feared that she would struggle to live in a big city like Pretoria. But, since I have wise friends like the one that I mentioned earlier, she reassured me that all would work out well. And she was right. Change has been great for all of us. Taking control of my life outside of my parents’ home has been amazing. I get to work from home and take care of my daughter simultaneously. She has gone through a myriad of milestones in the half of the year that we have been rooted in our new life. She loves having her dad around, I like it too, but sometimes I don’t. Living with someone has it’s challenges, but that is another post for another week. 

All that I wanted to write about when I started this blog post is that change is good. You never know when your moment will come nor how it will present itself. When you surrender to your hopes and dreams, the universe will surely conspire to bring about the change that you want to see. 

You see, it’s funny how life can change, isn’t it?

4 thoughts on “Change Is Good, Or Is It?

  1. I cried when I got to the part when you cried while Miss N was lying next to you. I’m crying because I cannot even imagine what you were really going through, I genuinely cannot comprehend and I can safely tell you now that I would not have been strong enough to survive everything you went through right after giving birth up to that night in November. I don’t know how you stayed sane but I’m grateful that you are still in one whole beautiful piece.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nandi is the reason why I had to keep myself together. There were many tears before this night. Being a mother before yourself is challenging, but if I broke down completely, what would have happened to her? I am experiencing these beautiful life moments with her and party because of her. That’s all that matters in this moment♥️

      Liked by 1 person

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